It's dangerous to go alone! Take this.

 
I have friends who call themselves survivalists.  Other who call themselves preppers.  I am neither of these.  I would like to be ready for a cataclysm, or even a bad hair day, but...  I'm pretty much not.

Currently my fridge is empty.  Like Mother Hubbard empty.  There is a package of Craisins with maybe a handful in it, some mayo, a green pepper, and the standard necessity: a box of baking soda.  It isn't that I don't like to eat.  I live to eat.  As I've alluded... I ain't no size 5.  My freezer isn't much better.  Half a loaf of bread, a tray of old ice, a beer that miraculously hasn't exploded, and Otter Pops.  I love me some Otter Pops. 

My reason?  I hate going to the grocery store.
I don't like going there.  There are too many people and I am really bad at finding "the deals".  My friends who coupon tell tales of "the deals".  To me, it's like being Link trying to save Hyrule.  My Princess Zelda is not attainable through doubling.

Sadly, I do not have the Spirit of the Hero. 

My fridge is also a good barometer of my mental state.  The busier my brain gets the less likely I am to take the time to notice there is nothing for dinner tomorrow.  This wasn't always the case.  I used to have the staples at the ready, the basics for lunches were often bagged and ready a few days in advance.  The plan was to pick a few recipes each week and buy what I need.  The plan was to then go home and do my cooking on the weekends, because my weekday evenings are too busy.  The plan was to do one dish on Saturday and one on Sunday and divvy them up to last the week.  Sometimes I could even get a third made!

Then the dark side intervenes - "But Half!  You kayak on Saturdays!  You get to do all your fun projects on Saturdays!  You can't expect your sunburned and tired, self to then whip up a casserole.  Order a pizza, it is easier!"  Sometimes the dark side gets even worse.  "To hell with ordering a pizza, just eat Vegemite on toast! In 3 minutes you get carbs, protein, and knock out your taste buds for 12 hours!"

So what happens?  Often the veggies I do buy go bad, or I bring them to work and spend the day begrudgingly trying to consume what's left in the bag, or convince others that these carrots are really theirs.  I purchase way too many prepackaged meals.  My spatulas get dusty.  Lately, I've been OK with this, because honestly, right now,  I'd rather spend time with friends or at the gym.  When I'm finally feeling gutsy, I slip into the store at 9 at night, wandering the aisles with the underage guys who are trying to buy beer for the Party of the Year.  I don't have the whole life balance thing going, and there will be no wishing on the Triforce yet, but I'll get there. 

love,
1/2

Skype, dragons, and rejection

I gotta say, this whole dating shit is pretty intimidating, and I feel very out of the loop.  While I use Skype regularly for work and talking with out of town family members, I wasn't expecting it to also be a part of the dating scene.

I'm not ready for someone I've never met to see possibly what is inside of my house. I have my computer set up in my studio.  One of my cats loves to sit on the back of my chair.  You can see my paintings and family pictures on the walls... and probably my bike and kayak paddle in the hallway, depending on how much energy I had to put things away.  That's a lot of semi-private info I don't know if I want them having.  They also have the opportunity to get a good look at me before the "first date".  Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'd rather email and text and get to know the person before I judge them on their looks.   

What worries me most is rejection.  Yeah, I know we've all been there.  But I'm short and pudgy.  While I've lost almost 25 pounds in the last few months due to some serious ass-kicking by a hired trainer and a noticeable lack of beer in my life, they don't know that.  And probably don't care. I still have at least 30 pounds to go.  I'm a nerd, and could use a good wardrobe makeover.  I like the SyFy Channel, really dig Wil Wheaton's new show, and would kill for an Arc Reactor t-shirt and Motley Crue tickets come November.

Most guys that I've met online in the past are pretty superficial, and I'm really afraid that I won't get a chance, because I'm not a size 3, or 7... or 10.  At the same time, I know I sometimes put up walls to prevent them from getting too close.  I bike and kayak with several nice, single guys, but prefer to spend the time cracking jokes and avoiding personal topics.  Humor - it is my dragon protected moat to thwart the potential white knight. 

So my current question. I know that not everyone is superficial, there are some genuinely nice people out there.  Is it worth the risk, or should I continue to let my dragon act as bouncer?

love,
1/2